WUZ DEE NITE BEFO CRIMMUS

- EBONICS VERSION -

NIGHT AFO CRIZZMUS OBAMA VERSION

Wus da night afo' Crizzmus, and all thru da hood,
everybody be sleepin' and da sleepin' be good.
We hunged up our stockins, an hoped like all heck,
dat Obama gunna brang us our checks.

All of da family, was layin' on da flo',
my sister wif her gurlfriend, my brother wif some ho.
Ashtrays was all full, empty beer cans and all
when I heared such a fuss, I thunk...."Sh'eet, must be da law".

I pulled the sheet off da window and what I'ze could see,
I was spectin' the sherrif, wif a warrent fo' me.
But what did I see, made me say, "Lawd look 'a dat!"
Dere was a huge watermelon, pulled by eight big-ass rats.

Now ovah da years, Santy Claws he be white,
but it looks like us brotha's, got a black un' tonight.
Faster than a poe'lice car, my homeboy he came,
and whupped up on dem rats, as he called dem by name.

On Biden, On Jessie, On Pelosi and Hillary Who,
On Fannie, On Freddie, On Ayers, and Slick Willy too.
Obama landed dat melon, right there in da street,
I knowed it fo' sho', - can you believe that Sheet?

Dat Santy didn't need no chimley, he picked da lock on my do',
an I sez to myself, "Son o' bitch..he don did dis befo!"
He had a big bag, full of presents - at first I suspeck?
Wif "Air Jordans" and fake gold, to wear roun' my neck.

But he left me no presents, just started stealin my shit.
He got my guns and my crack, and my new burglers kit.
Den, wif my shit in his bag, out da windo' he flew,
I sho' woulda shanked him, but he snagged my blade too!

He jumped back on dat melon, wif out even a hitch,
and waz gone in two seconds, da democrat sonofabitch.
So nex year I be hopin', a white Santy we git,
'cause a black Santy Claws, just ain't worf a shit!

Wuz dee nite befo Crimmus
An all ober dee hood
Erry body wuz sleepin'
Dey wuz sleepin' good

We hunged up or stockin's
An hope like dee heck
Dar ole Sanny Claws
Gone brang us our check

All o' dee fambly
Wuz la’in in dey beds
Whilst Thundrebird wine
Danced thru dey haids

I'd passed out on dee flo
Rite next to my maw
When I heared sech a fuss
I think “It mus be dee law"

I looked out thru dee bars
What kevvered my do'
Spectin' the sheriff
Wid a warrant fo' sho'

An what I did seen
Made me say..."Lawd, look at dat"
Dey wuz a huge watermelon
Pulled by giant wharf rats

Now ober all dee years
Sanny Claws, he be white
But look likin' us bro's
Gets a black Sanny dis nite

Faster den a PO-lice car
My homeboy, he came
He whupped on dem wharf rats
An' called dern by name

On Leroy! On Roosevelt!
On Lonzo and Joineruis Lee!
On Benatridus! On Willie!
Dey wuz a'site to see!

As he landed dat watermelon
Out dair in dee skreet
I knowed it wuz fo' sho'
De Damndest site I'd ebber seed

He dint go down no chimbly
He picked the lock on my do'
Aii' I sez to myself
"Shit, lie dun dis befo'!"

He had dis big bag
Full of preznents I speck
Wid Air Jordans and fake gold
To wear roun my nek

But he lefl no good preznents
Ju' started stealin' my shit
Gite my drugs, my stole guns
And even my burglar's kit

Wit my stuff in dee bag
Out the windder lie flewed
I sho' wudda ketched 'im.
But lie stoled my knife too

He jumped in dat watermelon
An' whupped out a switch
He was goned in a sekkun
Dat son-of-a-bitch

Nex. year, I be hopin'
A white Sanny we git
Cuz a black Sanny Claws
Jus' ain't wuff a shit

*New Ebonics translation by Oakland, California School Board.

"Be like the SS-relentless; and you will be unstoppable."